Love your Boo

"Well, fuck me."

It was wrong how much I wanted to roll  my eyes at that comment.

I managed not to.

Just.

"Seriously, fuck me. I mean... really."

I was also beginning to wonder if she'd ever actually get out what the fuck it was that was pissing her off at this moment.  

"It's just.... you know?"

If I let her continue on, maybe she'd just figure out whatever it was she wanted an answer to before I really had to ask what the hell it was she was talking about.miz

"Seriously.  I mean, seriously!"

Obviously she'd been watching Grey's Anatomy. Again.

I really should just hide those dvds. 

Or burn them.

"I'm literally agog.  Agog is the word to describe how I'm feeling right now."

I felt the couch beside me sag as she settled her ass down, then I bounced as she threw herself back into the chair.  The knitted throw that I'd just finished arranging, fell down around my shoulders from the impact of her move.

"You know when you really want something... you can taste it on your tongue.  You just know that its what you need and you look forward to it so badly that it's all that you can think about?"

Yes, of course I knew that feeling.  It was kind of what I was feeling now.  That hope that she'd get laryngitis and lose her voice like she did last year for a month. 

Best month of my life.

Apart from that one time with that hot lead singer of the Bitch Fuckers.  Now that was a great month. Never felt so exhausted and exhilarated ever.  The things that went on in that bed of ours.  And the shower.  And up against the fridge.  And in the pool.  And in the sauna.  And that one time in an alley.

Like I said. Good times.

"... so fucking disappointed.  I can't even begin to describe how disappointed I am."

Shit, now this sounded more like it was something I'd done.  Or not done. Or should have done?

"I am bereft.  I'm lost in a sea of sadness that nothing will ever be able to shake."

She sighed ... fuck, was that a sniffle?

One thing I couldn't stand.  Hearing her cry.

I guess it was time to bite after all.

"Alright, Kiya.  Now what exactly is it that's got you all so fucking emo?" 

I turned and she lay those big, beautiful, eyes on me that glittered with unshed tears.

"Well," she paused, breathing deeply and I tried really hard not to get hard watching her voluptuously plump fun pillows jiggle with the movement. 

"To start off, I was late getting the kids to school because GK was looking particularly scrumptious in bed this morning so I just had to have my way with him.  Then four earth shattering orgasms later I realized that I had yet to do the washing and had nothing but my oversized muu-muu with the big red lips on it and my animal print leggings to wear.  I was having the world's worst hair day with the 'well-fucked-do-on-my-head' not willing to die. And when I tried to find my little white knit hat to cover up, the only thing I could find was that stupid hot pink pimp hat you made me wear to Asstard and Pissgirls going away shindig."

"Then once I finally had the kids in the car and had got them to class, the car wouldn't start. When I hunt for my phone, it takes me another half an hour to find the thing in that huge ass bag of mine. So I'm on the main drag, looking like i'm in drag with the cold north easterly's whipping around my hoo-ha and freezing my tatas to the point I feared a nipple may break off.  Finally the mechanic happens along and of course its not the ugly old guy they send is it? No, its that fucking hottie RPatz look alike with a jaw you could slice lemons on and here I am in my most fucked up outfit of all time."

"He tells me he can't drop me home that I'll have to come back to the shop and wait.  So thats another few hours of schlepping in this god forsaken outfit with my sex hair all wild and free.  It's only when I'm sat in front of their two way mirror window that I realize I've gone and put on my red lipstick before I had the old rumpy pumpy in the sack with GK, and its now spread from one cheek to the other so I'm impersonating Bozo the Clown.  When I head to their sad excuse of a ladies room I find that its the long lasting shit that just won't come off.  I'm ever so happy to realize that I'm now looking and dressing like a side attraction at the town fair."

"Then, when my car is finally ready and I've forked out all the money I'd planned on spending at Naughty but Nice today, I duck into Woolies and..." she paused again, taking in a long shaky breath, "There are no avo's left.  Anywhere.  I drove all over fucking Brisvegas and out to the burbs and nothing. Nada.  Apparently there's some Avo eating tree mite lurking about and every last gorgeous green orb is gone."

"Now. Fucking now when I get home after my heart breaking over the lack of fresh Guac that I can no longer bathe my insides in... I look in the fridge and, and..."

She's gone sort of quiet and after her literal verbal diarrhoea of the day from hell I wonder what exactly would cause her to stop when she'd pretty much been on a roll.  Her eyes that were previously all teary are now wide and glaring at what I'm holding in my hands.  Her clown lips are pulled into a straight line. There's this bitch brow thing happening and her face is going bright red.  

"Emmett?"

Shit.

"Is that my last Westie?"

It's then I realize. I am a dead man.

__~~*~~__

Happy Birthday Bitch Fucker!!

Hope you had a FUCKTASTIC day considering you DID NOT TELL the KT and I when exactly your birthday was and if it wasn't from some random tweet I spied a few days back you MAY JUST HAVE WELL have gotten away with it!

You know why I love you. You know I'll always love you.

and with that I leave you with Whitnaaay ;o)

MWAH AND BEWB GROPES AND TACKLEHUGGLES FUREVER!